Revelations
by neutralise
Summary: She has never been enough. -Janine, her relationship with her father, and everything in between. family!fic-


Small edit: Tweaked some things, including the beginning, some verbs and added a couple things in for aesthetics. A huge thanks to Farla for sharing some helpful hints, I sincerely appreciate it.

**Title**: Revelations**  
Author**: Grey Saturdays**  
Series**: _Pokemon_**  
Rating**: PG**  
Genre**: General/family/angst.**  
Summary**: Suddenly, she realizes that she's never been enough. (Janine, her relationship with her father, and everything in between.)**  
Disclaimer**: It still applies—_Pokémon_ is not mine.

* * *

It's as if life itself has completely frozen over.

She isn't very fond of clichés, but it's the only thing she can use that would accurately describe how utterly incapable she is of even reacting to all of this. She's envisioned this moment so many times in her head, it might as well be an obsession: she's thought of the exact words she'd say to him (and how, in retrospect, they were perhaps too forgiving), his words to her (something she's never going to hear in this lifetime), and how every awful thing that has happened in the years he's been gone would suddenly vanish, like a bad dream retreating to the murky corners of the mind (as if that would actually happen).

She thinks of it, and she suddenly realizes how very cliché it all is.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" His words, low and soft, abruptly yank her from her sudden revelations; she looks up to see an unusually grim expression on his face. It doesn't suit him, she concludes: the man she knows would never wear such forlorn features; but then she has another revelation. She never knew who this man was, let alone at this very moment.

She knew this situation would have had to happen, that much was certain in her life. But what she had previously imagined is now dust; beyond the insurmountable tension in the atmosphere, she's aware that there's going to be a new ending to all of this. This time, _she_ will emerge victorious from the shadows and expectations and the pain that have swallowed her in an abyss. This time, she won't be the one that gets hurt.

She makes her move, appearing behind him faster than a blink, arm clamped around his neck, shoving him against the dark walls of the Fuchsia City gym. She tries her best not to let it become apparent, but her hands tremble, albeit very faintly; nevertheless, a part of her is waiting for him to point this out, waiting for his criticism, but it never comes.

"No," Janine tells her father coldly, in response to his question, "I don't think it's been long enough."

* * *

_After rummaging through the bathroom to find the salve her father requested, Janine scurries back outside to the garden, anxious. She arrives there as quickly as she left it; her father sits at the edge of it, hands and face streaked with earth, holding one hand in the other._

"_Did you find it, Janine?"_

"_Here." Very timidly, she hands the round, pale blue container over to Koga, who effortlessly snaps the top off, dips two dirty fingers into the concoction and rubs the salve in his bleeding wrist._

"_Are you going to be okay, Father?" Koga quietly chuckles after she asks, something that sounds funny to her_—_very rarely does he ever laugh, much less in a situation where he has been hurt._

"_Yes, I'll be fine, Janine. It's just a little nick, that's all," he reassures the young girl, screwing the lid back onto the container, setting it beside him. "I suppose I ought to invest in a pair of gardening gloves soon." Janine continues to stand by her father, still slightly wary of the wound he has._

"… _The garden is turning out nicely, Father," notes Janine, willing to say anything to break the uncomfortable silence that has fallen between them; it's always her that starts the conversations and it's always her, it feels like, that ends them. Koga glances at the garden and sighs._

"_Some of the plants are missing," he murmurs, wiping his sooty hands on his worn, dark hakama, "so I'll have to go back and see what ones are gone. People have absolutely no sense of privacy and respect."_

_They live a quiet, traditional and modest life far from the bustling, modern heart of Fuchsia City. That's how it's been for as long as Janine can remember_—_the people in the city do not understand their customs and habits with open minds. While staying isolated from the city has, for the most part, eliminated any sort of issue with them, they sometimes are on the receiving end of annoying but usually harmless pranks played some of the meaner kids that live in Fuchsia City. It makes Janine angry_—_they've done absolutely nothing to these strange people, except maintain the only place that attracts people here, so why are they the ones who are treated so poorly?_

_Koga rises from the ground, brushing off the last specks of dirt on his shirt. "I'll have to worry about it another day_—_it's time for us to train. Let's go." _

_Training is tedious by herself, but with Father it's not unbearable. He's an impressive fighter and it's no wonder to her why he's the leader of this mundane place; his reflexes are second to none, his move choices are utterly brilliant and he always seems to read her next move, no matter the effort she puts in to try and catch him off-guard. Father always prevails over her, but when he does, he at least shows her erroneous moves and what she can do next time to remedy them. She's resolved that the day she defeats him in battle will be how she repays him for being her master._

_Day soon gives way to darkness. In the tangle of blankets and the encompassing familiarity of the dark, Janine nestles herself on her father's chest; she's got her own room but she prefers, as a young girl, the comfort of knowing there's someone else by her side when she's vulnerable. His heartbeat is slow, constant and reassuring against her ears and she's grateful that Koga doesn't seem to mind much that she's here._

"_Father," she murmurs very softly, "why did they take our plants? We didn't do anything to them." For several minutes, her father remains silent before he gives his answer._

"_People fear that which they do not understand." Janine struggles to find some simple meaning in his response, but she cannot. When she looks up at him with inquiring eyes, he pushes her head down on his chest again._

"_You'll find out soon enough. Go to sleep." The way he says that is ambiguous and she's left even more confused than she was before._

_In the darkness of the night and the lull of her father's quiet breathing, Janine soon settles into a dreamless sleep._

* * *

"_I don't understand why you always make the same mistakes, girl. Even after I point them out to you."_

_It is a humiliating defeat for Janine_—_usually, she can last, at the most, 10 minutes battling her father, but today, he's managed to take her down in less than five. As her Venonat shudders in pain, Koga eyes her with doubt._

"_When I go in to attack," he tells her, putting his Muk back into its Pokéball, "don't instantly try to counter it. Worry about your defense, not offense." It's supposed to be a helpful suggestion, but the way he says makes it seem more like a harsh criticism. For once, she wants praise on what she's done _right, _not censure on what she's done wrong._

"_We'll stop for today." Janine blinks, wonders if she heard that right. It's only midday, far too early to quit training today._

"_But, Father_—_"_

"_Enough. I don't wish to hear anymore. You're dismissed for today." With that, Koga disappears in a flash of crimson and black._

_He's been like this for a couple days: edgy, less patient and more ready to point out her mistakes and Janine can't figure out why. She's almost certain it wasn't anything she did; she finds very little incentive in incurring her father's wrath and has been like that for as long as she can recall. She feels hurt, not necessarily because Koga is treating her as such, but more because he's not telling her why._

_Her scarf sticks to the back of her neck uncomfortably; Fuchsia City's summers can be unbearably hot and humid and today is one of those days. She wants to go back inside, but she doesn't want to vex her father any more than he is. With a grudging resolve, she bends down to treat her Venonat and continue practice by herself._

* * *

_They're sitting out on the polished porch, drinking cold tea and watching the sun sunk into the horizon. It's been a couple days since they've last talked._

"_I've had a lot on my mind." Janine assumes that this is Koga's way of apologizing (he's never been very good at saying things directly, but when it comes to beating around the bush, there's no one better than he) and although she still is slightly resentful for his behavior, she accepts, just as she always does._

"_It's all right," she says quietly, stirring the tea with her finger, when really, she wants to know why it's so impossible from him to share his troubles with her. From the corner of her eye, she can see him watching her intently and when she does make eye contact, he turns away, as if he hadn't looked at her at all._

_Just as soon as she decides she's going to leave, Janine feels an arm being slung around her neck and it surprises her immensely_—_he's never been the type to dispense physical contact like most other fathers do with their children, so the gesture makes her very suspicious._

"_You're not a half bad kid, Janine."_

"_You're never this friendly, Father." She makes sure to begin her statement with a gentle laugh, but for what reason, she doesn't know._

"_You're right," answers Koga, "I'm not. Regardless, I think every now and then, I can afford to tell you that… that I really do appreciate your company. And for putting up with me. I know I've been less than pleasant at times, but it's still no excuse." Janine is shocked not only by his words, but also how genuinely… sincere he sounded. She suddenly wants to tell him that it's all right, that she completely understands, that he can hurt her all he wants and that she'd still forgive him no matter what, but the best she can offer is a small smile._

"_I'm gonna get some more tea," Janine says to him, as she takes her father's arm (deadweight) off her neck; "I'll be happy to get you some, if you want." Koga's response is a dismissive hand._

"_I'm good, thank you." She stands up and goes inside, making sure to slide the door shut as quickly as she can, without making it readily obvious that she doesn't want to be outside any longer. She feels… she isn't sure how she feels right now. Happy? Hurt? Something in between? She doesn't know and doesn't want to think about it. And as she slowly makes her way into the kitchen, she hopes Koga won't question why she won't be coming back outside._

* * *

_It's in late August when her father starts to vanish for days on end._

_Koga doesn't even tell her where he's going; some evenings, he'll be at home but come morning, he's gone, without so much of a trace left of him. Sometimes, he returns with wounds and when she offers to treat them, he'll brusquely tell her no, thank you. Of course, he makes no mention of where he's going or when he's going._

_It's around this time that whispered rumors of some group start to whirl about, like dead leaves in the wind; they call themselves Team Rocket and make farfetched, grandiose plans to capture legendary Pokémon for their own selfish purposes. Apparently though, they're far away from Fuchsia City, so Janine has no need to worry about them, but sometimes, she wonders what she will do if they come when her father is gone… wherever he may be, at this point._

_Mid-October, Koga returns, but Janine wishes that he didn't. He now acts as if he has no daughter, gliding past her in hallways without a single sound, and in the rare moments he _does_, she's merely a person that coincidentally inhabits his home too._

_But she doesn't ask. She can't find the courage to ask. A part of her holds out, waiting, hoping that maybe it'll be today that he explains his actions, explains why he never talks to her anymore, even though he knows just how much she hates being kept in the dark. Or maybe today will be the day that she removes that invisible barrier between the two of them and demands to know why on Earth he's been treating her this way._

_Neither of those had happened._

_Finally, on one February evening, Janine can't take any more of it. For once, he's opted to eat dinner in her presence, but seeing him chew his food so nonchalantly pushes her over the edge. In a fit of blind rage, she takes her glass and hurls it at him. He's not even looking in her general direction, but he sharply leans away from the incoming glass. It smashes unceremoniously against the wall, tiny fragments exploding in every fathomable direction.__  
_

"_Where the _hell_ have you been going Father?" she screams at him, and suddenly the words gush from her mouth like water from a broken faucet; "Why aren't you telling me anything? Why? _Why?_ I've been waiting so long for you to even say something, but you don't even say hello to me anymore! What's so important now that you can't even _trust _me anymore? Why am I suddenly such a stranger to you? What on Earth did I do to deserve this?" Somewhere inside, a portion of her can't believe the awful things coming out of her mouth, much less who they're directed to, but at the same thing, it feels good to get such constraining feelings out of her system. Koga stares at her, an indescribable expression on his face; then he gives her a very venomous glare._

"_That, quite frankly, is none of your business." The words might as well have been a slap to the face; Janine is so stunned by his response that she can't say a single thing back. Hands shaking, she throws him the nastiest stare she can muster before bolting out of the room and locking herself in her own bedroom._

_The house is painfully silent for the rest of the night; she can hear him shuffle from room to room and wishes any sound he made could be drowned out. His words still shake her to the core: _That, quite frankly, is none of your business.

_She _knows_ that she wasn't in the wrong when she had said all that she did, so why does it feel like she was the one that had made the huge mistake?_

_For the next couple days, she doesn't sleep, nor leave the room for long periods of time. It is only after she is absolutely certain of his departure that Janine dares to venture out beyond her own room._

_Something possesses her to look into Father's room for any clue that could indicate why he's been like this. Ever since he had began to leave, she hasn't gone to sleep in there: at first, it didn't feel right to Janine sleeping without him, before she realized that even when he was home, she didn't want to be near him at all. The room looks as if no life has ever inhabited it: the drawers are almost unnaturally shiny and dust-free; the futon has been neatly made and his large, oak bureau remains as inanimate as ever._

_Janine has rifled through his drawers plenty of times, but his bureau is something she has never dared to touch, out of sake of respect and privacy. It is where Father keeps all his personal things; she knows that and the consequences that had been harshly promised, should she ever so much as _think_ of going through here._

_Feeling as if she's defying some sort of taboo, Janine opens the bureau._

_Not much is inside; there are three formal hakamas hanging limply and there's a small dresser drawer in the bureau's center. Janine hesitates opening the drawers, but she quickly forces the ambivalence to the recesses of her mind. She opens the first one to find only a couple pictures of people she cannot recognize, but bear uncanny resemblances to Father, and concludes they must be relatives of sorts. The second drawer contains only worn, thick books on herbs and medicines, with the occasional knickknack strewn about._

_The third drawer is empty, with the sole exception of a dark, waded up shirt inside. Janine grabs the shirt with an intense curiosity; it feels stiff where she's grabbed it but realizes that the rest of the cloth doesn't feel like that. Then she notices the huge dark stain inside the drawer's bottom. It's blood._

_With a growing sense of dread, very quickly she shakes the shirt to straighten it out. _

_The shirt is completely black, except for one very odd feature that sends a chill up Janine's spine._

_She immediately throws it to the ground and exits the room._

_Later that night, she feels fatigue settle upon her, except all she see when she closes her eyes is the large, red R on the shirt's front and it keeps her from drifting asleep._

* * *

_The next day, Janine shuffles towards her father's room, to see if the shirt is still there. It is, and the giant R stands out, glares at and she feels so horridly afraid of it but she can't help but to be transfixed by its hypnotic quality._

_She doesn't know how long she stands there, staring at that awful thing, but she doesn't even notice that her father has returned until he speaks to her._

"_So you've discovered."_

_Very slowly she turns around to look at him: he doesn't look the least bit angry that she's invaded something she has been told to not go through. He appears years older than he really is, jaded and grim and perhaps a bit regretful. Janine opens her mouth speak, but he cuts her off._

"_Someday, I'll tell you everything. But just know that I won't be returning to them any longer." He takes in a deep breath and exhales very, very slowly before turning away. Janine watches him move down the corridor and even the way he walks has a resigned quality to it. As he disappears from her line of vision, she decides one thing right there and that is to never ask what Koga has seen in his time with them, no matter how much she has wanted to know who this man has become in the time he's been gone._

* * *

_Despite being curled tightly in several layers of blankets, Janine still feels cold. She hears her father down the hallway, hears him open the door to her room. For a while, he says nothing and then, barely even audible:_

"_I'm sorry."_

_He waits for a response, but Janine gives him nothing. Finally he closes the door to leave and suddenly, she feels much colder than before Koga entered her room._

* * *

_It isn't much later that they begin to talk and it doesn't feel completely awkward and unbearable. She's outside training a week after he's returned, presumably for good_—_heaven only knows how much she's thrown herself into improving her skills in her father's absence_—_when she sees him leave the dojo, drinks in his hands._

"_I've got some drinks, if you're feeling thirsty," he says to her, setting them down on the porch steps before taking a seat himself. She nods to show that she's heard him, before focusing her attention back to her Golbat. He watches her as she practices Air Slash with it and it unsettles her._

"_You know," she finally says, as the attack is mostly perfected, staring her father squarely in the eyes, "I've grown stronger since you've been gone. Maybe sometime soon, I'll show you, Father."_

"_I'm sure you have," he responds, after taking a moment of silence, then sipping his drink. "I look forward to our battle, Janine."_

_It's much easier to destroy than to rebuild, she comes to realize, very slowly, she regains what relationship she has lost with her father. It's a painstaking effort on both their behalves; neither of them are very good are repairing what's already broken, but in spite of that, it somehow works. There isn't any magical transformation: Koga still doesn't spark conversation first and Janine remains somewhat wary of her father but there is an improvement when they sit together outside in the evenings and make small talk of whatever topics they can grasp at and when they both quietly laugh as they watch their Pokémon banter each other. At some point, many months after, Janine realizes her bond with Koga is mostly repaired, or as fixed as it's going to get. The doubt she had in him has mostly assuaged by this point and what's left isn't enough to let it overtake her with worry. For the first time in a very long while, she is complacent._

* * *

_It should have raised suspicion, but it doesn't._

_The limp, brown leaves have all been neatly raked into small piles that wriggle: Father's Golbat and her newly acquired Crobat are having fun flapping the dried leaves at each other, screeching and diving back into the piles to hide from one another. It's a rather amusing sight and Janine can't help but to snigger as Crobat gets a wad of brown-orange leaves swatted in its face. Koga watches with mild interest, legs stretched. The lines by his eyes and mouth are deeply set into his face and his temples begin to show signs of graying. In a queer sense, he looks very dignified and solemn, something that both suits him and appears unnatural to her._

"_Does it ever feel like life is going too fast for you, Janine?" Koga asks her out of the blue. She shrugs and sets down her mug of tea (peach and mint, something her father was kind enough to prepare for her), telling him that there are some moments in her life she feels like it isn't going fast enough. _

"_When you get old like me," answers her father in a thick voice, "it goes by too quickly. I'm not sure if I like that or not."_

"_You're not old, Father."_

"_I most certainly am." With a tap of his fingers, Koga drums the sides of his head, before he continues: "I feel as if I haven't done enough in my life. I wish I could have accomplished more before time caught up with me." Placing his hands on his knees for support, very slowly Koga stands up, stretches his arms and sighs. "At least the fall is good for self-reflection, wouldn't you say, Janine?" He doesn't wait for her response, instead disappearing back inside. Janine doesn't watch him go in; she herself is now stuck in deep thought. There's a definite truth to her father's words, as the quiet and calm of autumn really _is_ conducive to contemplation. Still, it doesn't make her any less sad that not even her father, strong and proud, is invincible to time._

_Suddenly, Janine feels unexplainably tired and resigns to head back inside. Maybe she will think about her life another time._

* * *

_Janine doesn't know exactly why she wakes up._

_It's nearly two in the morning. There's only been two other times she's woken from a deep sleep, because she had become ill shortly soon after, yet she feels perfectly fine. Somewhat annoyed, she decides that this happened out of a chance and rolls over to go back to sleep._

_It is then she notices her father is missing._

_She navigates through the darkness of their old home with ease, listening and looking for any sign of Koga. Many things are going through her head right now, but Janine tries to convince herself that Father is perfectly fine and hasn't gone anywhere. Just as she enters the main foyer, she sees a silhouette of a figure standing in the open door. It turns to look at her._

"_Funny," she hears Koga's voice say, "you were supposed to be out for the rest of the night."_

"_What are you doing?" asks Janine, trying very hard to sound calm and nonchalant, yet her voice slightly cracks and lets uncertainty slip through. "What are you talking about?"_

"_Your tea. I had slipped something in that was supposed to make you sleep for a couple days. I see that didn't work very well, but regardless." Before Janine can register anything he has said, she suddenly sees Golbat diving towards her, fangs bared. She narrowly avoids the creature and bolts out of the foyer, mind racing and feeling utterly confused. In a blind moment of desperation, she runs back to her room and grabs three of her Pokéballs before leaving with trepidation. Outside her door waits the Golbat and once again, it swoops towards her: Janine releases one of the balls, __the one that contains her Crobat, and shouts, "Crobat, use Leech Life!"_

"_Use Confuse Ray, Golbat," says a voice from the shadows_—_a beam of blinding light erupts from the Golbat's mouth, squarely hitting her Crobat, who, in confusion, slams against the wall and is promptly knocked out. With a curse, Janine reaches for her pockets, only to discover that the other two Pokéballs are gone._

"_Golbat, Lick!" Janine has no time to react to incoming attack and feels a large, slippery tongue slide roughly against her face. Immediately her legs buckle and all sensation in her arms is lost; she falls into a pitiful heap on the floor, struggling to fight the paralysis that's set in, but to no avail. From the murky shadows, she sees her father step before her._

"_You've gotten strong, Janine," he says softly, crouching on his haunches to examine her. "but… you haven't become strong enough."_

"_Why… why are you doing this, Father?" she barely manages to ask, feeling her tongue grow thick in her mouth; "Where are you going this time?"_

"_I am not going back to Team Rocket, if that is what you're concerned about," Koga answers tersely; "Where exactly I am headed, I do not know myself. But I do know this: the life I am living now is unsatisfactory. I feel as if I could accomplish so much more than what I'm doing now; that was one of the reasons I had initially joined Team Rocket. But that soon faded after… several occurrences. None of it matters, though." Her body tingles as if she's a living circuit, reeling from these new developments._

"_I'll be back for you someday, Janine." The words hurt more than anything else she's ever heard in her life; with as much strength as she can muster, she lifts an arm and grabs her father's foot._

"_Take me with you," she weakly begs him. "Father, please."_

"_I'm afraid I cannot do that, Janine."_

"_Please… why… why won't you take me…?" She feels her grasp slipping and struggles to hang on; all the while, Koga remains silent and impassive. After a moment, he places a hand on her head and she thinks that she can feel his fingers twitch on her scalp._

"_You're a clever girl, Janine. I think you know the answer as much as I do." Even being out in the dark, Janine's eyes still cannot see very well, but the small, sad smile on Koga's is completely unmistaken. In that moment, Janine wishes she were somewhere else, preferably dead._

"_Goodbye, Janine."_

"_Wait_—_" Wordlessly, Koga commands his Golbat to use one final attack; it opens its eyes wide and suddenly she feels her limp and useless body being sucked right into them before dark swallows her._

_When she comes to, the sun is shining and there isn't a single cloud in the sky, just an endless expanse of deep, deep blue. Janine feels something prod at her legs; slowly turning her head she sees her Crobat and, surprisingly enough, her Ariados and Venomoth, looking very concerned and upset. She has movement in her limbs again, but they all feel like they weigh as much as she does; somehow she finds the strength to sit up._

_The door has been left wide open. Struggling to stand on her legs, Janine wobbles towards the door to close it, but she finds herself unable to. It's as if an invisible sheet of glass has been placed between her and the world (in a funny sense, the barrier has always been there, but it's only now she realizes that she's been confined). She tries another entrance, only to find the same thing. She tests another and another and another and another, until finally, there are no more doors to test._

_Outside, she can hear voices faintly floating on the wind._

"—_never thought he had the capabilities of setting up Barrier_—_"_

"—_going to be the new Fuchsia City Gym Leader_—_" _

"—_knows where he went_—_"_

_There are four people in the main yard: an old, bald man, a young, dark-haired boy with squinted eyes and two girls standing in front of them that look slightly older than she; one of these girls is dressed elegantly in a yellow furisode with leaves as orange as pumpkins on its trailing sleeves, short dark hair impeccably pulled back with a simple, coral-colored headband, and the other girl sports boyish, bright red hair, cut off shorts and a yellow shirt tied in the front. Suddenly, the young woman in the furisode, who has been addressing the other three, pauses and looks towards Janine. All of them look fairly surprised._

"_Your name is Janine, yes?" the elegant girl says, voice sweet and smooth like honey. Janine says nothing and the girl comes towards the house, a thoughtful expression gracing her delicate face._

"_My name is Erika," says the woman, dipping into a quick, respectful bow; "I am Celadon City's Gym Leader." Janine vaguely remembers her now, or at least remembers Father mentioning her once or twice. Erika is now on the porch, coming closer to the doorway. She reaches a hand out and it stops, just as Janine's was stopped. For several moments, Erika stares intently at the threshold, as if there's something here the rest of the world cannot see. Finally, asks, "We've received word that Koga has left the gym. Is this true?" Janine feels herself nodding, like a machine._

"_Are you his daughter?"_

_She'd rather not answer that._

"_We've called for the Saffron and Vermillion City Gym Leaders to come break this barrier, since it appears to be out of our specialties," continues Erika, sounding significantly kinder and conciliatory. "We'll have you out of here soon enough; all that we ask is for you to please wait."_

_Janine wishes these people would go away; she doesn't want their help or pity, she doesn't want a single damn thing from them. In her head she wills these strange alien people to go away, to leave her alone and to never set foot in her home again; all she wants is her life to go back to normal, for Father to come home, to have small, meaningless conversations on their back porch, to go back in their garden and pluck the annoying troublesome weeds that manage to worm their way through the other plants, to spend the quiet, dark nights listening to her father's heartbeat, to have the foresight to see all of this and somehow try to fix it before it breaks_—

_She hears something she's never heard before in her entire life: the only way she can describe is something small, weak and innocent being brutally mangled, squeaking, choking, begging for the life being squeezed out of it. Then she discovers that all she's hearing is the sound of her own sobbing._

_Somewhere far, far away from her, Janine hears Erika's voice: "It'll be okay."_

_Except Janine wants to tell her that it won't be okay, it will _never_ be okay, but all that's coming out of her mouth right now is proof of just that._

* * *

The gym is completely silent, unnervingly so. For several moments it remains like this; then his laugh breaks the uncomfortable quiet.

"Well, I wasn't expecting hugs and kisses, but I didn't think you'd still be angry at me," he finally says to her, sounding rather amused by her words. "I thought you were more sensible than that, Janine."

In a flash, he breaks free from her grip, brandishing two Pokéballs in each hand. "Shall we see just how much you've improved?"

"You didn't even need to ask." It's fortunate for her that before she found him standing there waiting for him, Janine had been court yard training; maybe her team isn't working at full capacity, but for now, that will have to do. With a cry, she sends out Venomoth and wastes no time in instructing it to use Stun Spore on the Muk he sends out. While Muk struggles to move, Venomoth bombards it with Psybeam until, miraculously enough, the Muk faints. Her heart skips a beat—she's never been able to make Koga's Pokémon faint, much less with a Pokémon whose energy is as low as Venomoth's, and she wonders if she truly _has_ grown stronger since he's been away.

With a smirk, Koga tosses the ball with speed: "Forretress, go!" and out comes a Pokémon Janine has never seen before. She doesn't have time to react when her father commands it to use Explosion; and as her Venomoth is caught within the attack, she can't help but to feel horrified. The father she knew would have never done this, not so early in their battle, at the very least…

Suddenly her will to defeat him surges forth and she sends out Ariados, and he does the same. Janine's Ariados lunges forth and uses Psychic; his recoils, but it isn't out of the game yet, as it counters with Scary Face.

"You've gotten better, you know," says Koga, as he watches his Pokémon finish off hers with Psychic as well, "but you still attack too quickly." Janine tries her hardest not to let those familiar words get under her skin, but to no avail. She fishes her last Pokéball out of her pocket—her dignity as not only a gym leader and a daughter, but a fellow battler as well, rides on her Crobat and how well she can guide it in battle.

"Crobat, Leech Life!" she shouts; the bat swoops in on the Ariados for the attack, but the bug avoids. It turns around and from its spinnerets shoot out barely noticeable, silken thread. She yells to her Crobat to dodge and it does, but not without its stubby legs becoming ensnared in the stuff.

"Confuse Ray, Cro—!"

"_Ariados, Psychic_!" The Ariados concentrates and a split second later, the Crobat lets out an awful screech, struggling to stay in the air.

"It's over, Janine." The words come right out of his mouth just as the bat crashes unceremoniously to the ground, unconscious. Janine finds herself in complete shock, knees giving in and pale hands trembling. A part of her begins to wonder how she could have possibly thought she could prevail over her master… she stares at him in complete disbelief, yet he looks just as happy as she is.

"That was good, Janine," Koga states, running a hand through navy blue hair. "You waited that time before blindly rushing in. That was admirable. You still could benefit from more practice."

Practice, training, hard work. All her life, she has unquestioningly applied herself to a life a battle and discipline, just as she's applied herself to _him_, but for what? To grow strong, because she wants to? To please her father and finally win his respect and affections? Once again Janine has lost the fight, but this time, many new and horrible revelations are coming with it—suddenly, she doesn't know what to believe anymore, doesn't know what she's been doing with her life, all this time—

_The life I am living now is unsatisfactory._

The words trickle gently to her mind, disappointed and desperate, just like she is. So many things have failed in her life and now, there's at least someone to blame.

"Forgive me, Father."

Janine feels her eyes growing wet and her nose beginning to run—she's never cried in front of Father, but at this point, she doesn't think she can humiliate herself any more than she already is. "Forgive me," she mumbles miserably, clenching a fist over her mouth to keep the sobs inside; "I… I g-guess I'm no good, am I n-now…?"

"Don't be so melodramatic now." He sits down in front of her, eyeing her sternly. "You know how much I hate people like that." She feels unbelievably tiny in his presence and it takes all her will to face him squarely in the eyes.

"Really," he says to her, looking slightly uncomfortable, "the tears don't suit you." He takes his scarf and gently dabs her eyes with it and asks if that's better. Janine nods slowly, feeling very childish and meek.

"I really hope you didn't get the wrong impression when I left, Janine. It wasn't because I wanted to hurt you or was angry with you, I just…" He sighs deeply, scratching the back of his ear, all while trying to remain dignified. "It was as I said, Janine: at the time, I was very dissatisfied with how my life was turning out to be. I know I'm not a good father… not a good man, for that matter. Far from it. I've done some very stupid things in my life that I sincerely regret. And I… I'm very sorry for all the pain and misery I have subjected you to with my actions. I'm not asking for your forgiveness, because you have every legitimate reason and right to remain angry with me. But I didn't want you to think that I had left because I was disappointed in you." Koga lets out another sigh. "That was hard to say, oddly enough."

Without even stopping herself, with a swift movement of her hand, Janine slaps her father—at first, he looks almost comically surprised at her action, but then he lets himself break a small smile on his lips.

"I d-d-don't care how p-pathetic I sound r-right now," Janine manages to whimper, fighting back the overwhelming urge to just stop right there and bawl, "b-but you—y-you hurt m-my feelings s-so much when y-you left m-me. I h-h-hated you for that a-and I—I—I—" She allows herself to let out a sob building in the back of her throat before wiping her streaming eyes. "I s-s-s-still hate you for t-that, F-Father… I h-honestly do. But I—I-I-I-I—" She can't finish her sentence without burying her face in her hands and bursting into abject tears for several minutes. She doesn't want to say it, but it forces itself out of her mouth anyway.

"—I-I-I can't hate you, Father. I—really, I c-can't." Janine feels as utterly awful as she probably looks and sounds: her eyes throb from crying so hard; her face feels uncomfortable and sticky and wet and unpleasant and she keeps making shuddering sounds involuntarily. She uses an arm to wipe away the moisture, although it does her no good, because the tears keep going.

Koga offers her his scarf; it's really the only thing he can do at this point. "I told you, you weren't a bad kid."

Janine buries her face in the scarf and a part of her automatically calms down when she smells her father's familiar scent. A long, trembling sigh escapes her lips: this isn't what she had in mind when she had originally dreamed of her father's return. Then again, she bitterly realizes most of her life and ambitions didn't pan out to her desires, either.

But somehow she knows, deep within, Janine knows that this entire mess, no matter how miserable and worthless and resentful she feels right now, will work itself out, in some strange way or another. It always does.

She cries softly into the scarf, squeezing it to her face. In her ears, she can hear a heartbeat and for one blessed moment, she's temporarily taken back to that quiet, dark night.

Maybe someday these revelations will be the greatest memories she'll have.

End.

* * *

Author's note- 7,000 words to this bad boy (obviously excluding this garrulous note and the stuff at the top) and I'm quite pleased and impressed with the number. I've never accomplished that feat! With the fic itself, I'm still unsure; nevertheless, this plot has been itching at me for quite some time. It's not very often fics of Gym Leaders, let alone relatively unpopular ones, are written, so in that regard, I'm happy I made this. Fuchsia City Gym Leaders ftw.

Another thing to be aware of: while it does follow some canon of both the games and the manga, the setting is too ambiguous to me to fall clearly into one universe; therefore I technically consider this an AU. Would have been in the latter, had I not completely, until the very last page, of course, forgotten about the flashback Janine has of her father in her introductory chapter… which, if you've read it, would have changed some parts of the story. I admit part of that is laziness on my behalf too, hahaha—I can has leniency, because it's been a while since I put this much thought into a story? orz

Other than that, I don't have much to say. If there's anything grammatically unsound, don't be hesitant to tell me, I miss this stuff easily and am very anal about it. Reviews are nice but not mandatory, constructive criticism is greatly cherished!


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